Category Archives: Life

Beginnings and Endings

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Today, January 27th, marks 17 years since I started this blog. In the last 16 months, since the death of my beloved husband, my life has changed, my reading has changed, and my commitment to my blog has changed.

Early in my grief journey, I couldn’t focus enough to read. Now my reading has become solace on a lonely afternoon, or a search for new understandings of the changes happening to me, or simply an activity that I now set aside for long periods of time while I garden, go for walks, or visit with friends. I have started many books that I simply cannot finish for a variety of reasons, and so I stick with gentle reads. My reading seems to mirror the ups and downs I face each day, and as you can see from my blog silence, it is difficult for me to write posts, or review books.

I am finding new interests and projects that require the time I used to devote solely to reading and blogging. I’ve been organizing old photos, writing stories and creating slideshows and videos for my family from those old and some new memories. I am honoring these new pursuits and new parts of myself with focus and attention, and wonder where they will lead me.

I have been struggling for months to decide what to do with my blog during this time. I take beginnings very seriously, and I have a really hard time with endings. There is so much I enjoy about blogging, but I’m uncomfortable with these long silences.

So for now, I think it is best to simply announce that I will not be actively blogging for the time being. I’ll give myself some time to decide whether this will be an extended break, or whether I will retire my blog.

I love the book blogging community and hold precious the friendships made through this sharing of our love of books and reading!  So I will say a gentle goodbye for now. I will still be visiting your blogs and will still be present on social media, so I don’t plan to disappear. Please know that your support for me and this blog over the years, has meant the world to me. For your friendship, love, and support, I thank you, dear readers, from the bottom of my heart.

With deep gratitude,
Robin

August Reading

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The Reader, by Renoir…

Hello, dear friends. I’m checking in to give you an update on my August reading and some of the things going on in my life right now.

I am back to my reading, although my blogging isn’t back full time.  I’m still taking things one step at a time these days, and that’s not a bad way to live. But I’m happy that my focus has improved to the point that I can fully enjoy my reading again. I love my afternoon reading times, but I’ve discovered an early morning time that has also become a favorite time for reading.

August was full of pretty miserable heat and drought here in Oregon, but we finally had some rain and cooler temperatures to end the month. Also at the end of the month, I mustered up the courage to visit some dear friends in Southern Utah and had an absolutely wonderful time. It was my first trip without Byron… but since these were friends that knew Byron right from the beginning of our relationship 54 years ago, it was a very healing trip and Byron was with us in our happy memories shared.

Along with my reading, I’ve been watching as many of the Studio Ghibli films as I can. Byron really enjoyed those films, and so I’ve set up a mini film festival for myself and have had so much fun watching them. I also watched a fascinating 4-part documentary called 10 Years With Hayao Miyazaki, the brilliant imagination behind Studio Ghibli, and learned a lot about his art and his life.

So, the books I read in August:

I hope your August was filled with good books, good films, and good friends, too!

A Summer of Flowers

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At the garden center…

My daughter and I love to garden. I will say right off, though, that her thumb is greener than mine! She and her husband (who also loves gardening) have an amazing garden and yard! I’m always in awe of their vegetables and their abundance of beautiful flowers and shrubs. They inspire me!  After I had the dangerous oak tree removed from the back corner of our yard last fall, I found that I had a new patch of sunshine where there had always been shade. So I created my “Sunshine Garden,” a small patch for vegetables, inspired by Jamie and her husband. In the rest of the yard, I’ve focused on flowers.

Whenever Jamie comes to visit me, we inevitably take a trip to the garden centers nearby. We love the inspiration we get from those trips. But in recent years, much of our gardening inspiration has also come from one particular flower farm owner and author, Erin Benzakein, of Floret Flower Farm. She and her husband, Chris, started Floret Flower Farm over 15 years ago, and they sell flower seeds to devoted followers internationally. Jamie and I love to order seeds from her!

 

Erin has published three books, all of them filled with excellent information and gorgeous photography. Her husband, Chris, is the photographer and over the years has documented their flower journey and their extensive research with what must be millions of photos by now.  They are an impressive team!

 

There is also a two season Emmy-nominated documentary series about them, available on MAX or through Prime VIdeo. It is a beautifully filmed account of their experiences with beginning such a business, their struggles and successes over the years, the people they hired to help them fulfill their dream, and the phenomenal effort of all involved. I found the documentary to be very moving as well as inspirational.

Whether you are a seasoned gardener or a beginner, I urge you to check out the Floret Flower Farm website for inspiration, education (very helpful video classes!), and special sales on their wonderful and unusual flower seeds. I am sure that you, too, will become a major fan and follower of Floret Farms!

Art by Mary Englebreit…

June Reflections, 2023

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July is here, and for me, summer officially starts with the 4th of July celebrations. That’s tomorrow already! So before I move on into more of my summer busy-ness, I want to take a moment and share my June with you.

I’m delighted to report that I read a number of books in June! Surprised myself, actually. “Grief brain” for me is a very real thing, and for months now my focus (especially on reading) has been scattered and my attention span minimal. So that’s why I was happily surprised when I looked at my Goodreads list of books read in June and realized I actually finished 5 books! Those quiet afternoons, after mornings filled with yard work, have been a productive and therapeutic reading time.

The five books I read in June were enjoyable and varied. Early in the month, I completed a book I’d been “reading slowly over time” (my new category for my Goodreads lists). It was a book about grief, a collection of poems and short essays written by a variety of people. The Language of Loss: Poetry and Prose for Grieving and Celebrating the Love of Your Life, edited by Barbara Abercrombie, was a lovely collection that I found very healing. It took a long time to read because I would only read one or two selections at a time, and that gave me time to really think about what was shared by other grievers.

from the publisher:

When Barbara Abercrombie’s husband died, she found the language of condolence, no matter how well intended, irritating. “My husband had not gone to a better place, as if he were on a holiday. He had not passed, like clouds overhead. He wasn’t my late husband, as if he’d missed a train. And I had not lost him, as if I’d been careless.” She yearned instead for words that acknowledged the reality of death, that spoke about the unfathomable sorrow and loneliness (and perhaps even guilt and anger), and that might even point the way toward hope and healing. She found those words in the writings gathered here. The prose and poetry in The Language of Loss follows an arc that mirrors the path of many mourners — from abject loss and feeling unmoored, to glimmers of promise and possibility, through to gratitude for the love they knew. C.S. Lewis wrote, “We read to know that we’re not alone.” These writings, which express what often feels ineffable, will accompany those who grieve, offering understanding and solace.

The other four books I read were so interesting and each deserves its own separate review. But for now, I will just say that each transported me to someplace else while giving me new insights into my own world right now here at home. That’s why I read …  and I’m so grateful to be able to spend my afternoons with good stories and wonderful talented storytellers.

My June reading:

I hope that you are all enjoying your summer reading!

What I’ve Been Up To…

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Hello, my friends. I have been missing my blog, my blogging friends, and the act of telling stories and sharing my reading! So I thought I’d stop in on this lovely Sunday afternoon and say Hi, and let you know that I’m (mostly) okay and what I’ve been up to recently.

I’m still here, and reading a little more than I was in March, but I’m actually spending more of my time outdoors with the return of sunshine to the Pacific Northwest. The yard and garden were in a terrible state of neglect from the Covid/Cancer years, so trying to “tame” it all again is a daunting job. One step at a time is my mantra. When I had the tall dangerous oak tree removed from the back corner of the yard last November, it opened up sunshine to that previously shady corner.  This spring I’ve created what I call my new “Sunshine Garden,” in that corner, and it has been a joyful project!  I planted some tomatoes, peas, beans, carrots and beets which are all happy with that sunny spot.

I’ve also been going through our many (thousands!) of old photos, scanning old slides, organizing photo files on my computer. It’s a massive project that I am enjoying very much. Sometimes, the tears flow freely while working on that project, and sometimes  laughter and joy arrive, as well. The 54 years Byron and I spent together are well-documented with priceless photos. I just completed an eight-week bereavement class, called “Living After Loss,” run by our incredible hospice group that helped ease Byron’s end of life. We were all invited to participate in the class at about 6 months since our special person died. It was an amazing learning experience about grief, very emotional and very helpful in so many ways. The culminating project was to create a Memory Project for the final day of class. For my “Memory Project,” I created a slideshow of photos of Byron and me over those 54 years, all put together with the song, “Through the Eyes of Love.” That project, too, is a treasure now.

And as for my reading… Yes, I am able to finish some books now after a period of time when I couldn’t focus enough to read much. In April, I read What Happened to the Corbetts, by Nevil Shute, one of my favorite authors. And in May, I read Victoria Connelly’s new book, The Way to the Sea. I always enjoy her heartwarming books.

 

Once again, I want you to know how much I appreciate all of you and your kind support during this time of bereavement. I hope you are all well and happy and enjoying your summer reading!

Just Not Reading Much

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One Step at a Time…

Hello, my friends. I’m checking in with you this afternoon to let you know that I’m getting along okay. I’ve given myself some time away from both reading and writing about my reading, but I have tried to keep up with many of you on social media, which seems to fit my fractured focus better right now.

After a strong start to my reading year, I just found it too difficult to read in February and March. I’ve been listening to a lot of music (such a pleasure) and watching some new-to-me series on TV (always enjoyable). Just not reading much.

Now that April has arrived, I’m feeling less fractured. Getting outside for walks and to work in the garden a little bit, feels so good! It’s just what is needed despite how very wet it is here in the Pacific Northwest this year!

The cartoon at the top of this post really speaks to who I am and what I am doing these days. “Baby steps” is my motto. I’m slowly getting back to some things, and slowly climbing into new territory. I am also finding myself thinking about some of the stories I have been able to read or listen to recently, so perhaps there’s a blog post brewing.

My gratitude is huge for all the love and kindness that surrounds me during this time of bereavement, and I have realized how many people are suffering their own losses, and my heart goes out to each of them.

I hope that your Spring is full of really good books and stories, and that you all stay healthy and happy.

 

 

 

Birthday Blog

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…by Charles Schultz

It was a quiet January 27th morning in 2007 when I shyly started this blog. It began as another way to share books with my mother who lived 900 miles away. So much has changed in my life since 2007, but my blog has seen me through all those changes, and my love of reading and talking about books is even greater and more important to me now. And the friends I have made along the way, who share their own love of reading with me, have enriched my life exponentially.

So here’s to another year filled with books and kindred spirits! May we celebrate our love of reading and share many stories this year. 

The Art of Stillness

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The word I chose to guide me through this year is “Mindfulness.” Although I didn’t know much about him, Pico Iyer is someone to read if you are interested in becoming more mindful in your daily life. He is an essayist and novelist, and is most widely known for his books on travel. But he is so much more than a travel writer. His travels are extensive and he has a global view of the world. He says of himself: “I am a multinational soul on a multinational globe…”  and he shares his views in essays, novels, through TED Talks, and university lectures. But I would also call him a philosopher and a guide.

I love to read travel books, and this little volume on “going nowhere,” really spoke to me right now. The Art of Stillness: Adventures in Going Nowhere, caught my eye and turned out to be a real treasure for me because it is about being present in the NOW of our lives. I found that it was packed with wisdom and much needed perspective on what is really important in life.

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Goodnight, Sweet Prince

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To all my dear blogging friends…

I’d like you all to know that my dear husband, Byron, passed away Wednesday night, almost exactly two years after his cancer diagnosis. He was a courageous fighter, and accepted his continually changing condition with grace and acceptance. At the end, he was where he wanted to be — at home, lovingly surrounded by his family.

Your kindness and lovingly supportive comments on my various posts throughout this journey have been deeply appreciated. I haven’t been on my blog much during his decline, but I will now take some time to mourn and regroup, and redesign my life without him. I will return, before too long though, to my reading and to this blog.

With love,
Robin

August Reflections and September Plans

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Hello, my friends. It’s time for some reflecting on life and reading in the month of August. It was another rather intense month, but flew by amazingly quickly. I’m proud to say that I actually finished reading two books during that month! Focusing on my reading has been a challenge with everything going on in our lives right now, but I decided to return to a much loved book, Persuasion, by Jane Austen, and just enjoy whatever reading time I could find. It was such a pleasure! The book and the simple act of reading! And then I ended up the month reading a book by another favorite author, Edith Nesbitt. The Story of the Treasure Seekers was a reminder of how childhood used to be a time of intense innocence and imagination.

The end of August also brings my favorite Fall reading challenge. Although I can hardly take on a bigger challenge than life itself right now, I’m going to join the Readers Imbibing Peril XVII challenge and read as much as time allows. I have a dear friend (a high school friend!) that loves the Fall and this kind of Fall reading, but he’s still a university professor and therefore doesn’t have the time to participate. But we both love Ray Bradbury, and he is inspiring me to read more of Bradbury’s stories and novels, so I’ve decided to make that my focus of my RIP reading this year!

My Readers Imbibing Peril XVII reading list!

On the home front, August brought another major change in our journey through cancer. Byron’s chemotherapy stopped working, just that quickly after 6 successful infusions. It was not unexpected but it was disappointing nonetheless. So he is now on hospice, and August was spent getting settled into that new reality, and focusing on finding the right combination of medications that would manage his pain more efficiently so that he can have some comfortable quality of life during this stage. We are so appreciative of our new hospice team! They work incredibly hard to manage his comfort care, and we feel very supported and cared for.

On our “Walk ‘n Roll.”

When I use the word “hospice,” I find that people assume that death is imminent. That’s what I always thought, too. But now we know that although hospice is “end of life care,” there’s a period of time before the final decline that can be much longer than anticipated. That’s where we are right now, this week — in the calm of pain management and improved quality of life. Byron is still able to care for himself and work on his home projects and his reading. Because he is quite disabled due to the cancer in his hip and pelvis, he  requested a wheel chair from our hospice team, and so we are able to get out for early morning walks as often as we can now. Being outside and surrounded by beauty feeds our souls! Our daughter calls these cherished walks, our “Walk ‘n Roll” time.

I hope that you had a good August, my friends, and will have a book-filled and enjoyable September.

July Reflections

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I look at this old photo that I took at the Salt Flats near the Utah/Nevada border and marvel at the calmness of that morning a few years ago. July has been a tumultuous month, plain and simple, but we are here at a calm spot at the end of this month, taking some deep breaths before moving into August.

Once again, I did not get much reading done this month. Too much Life happening. But yesterday I actually sat down with a new graphic novel, called Dancing at the Pity Party, by Tyler Feder, and started reading again. It felt wonderful to just sit and read on a hot afternoon!

I was also able to finish my Classics Club Spin book, so I’ll try to post my review of The Sign of the Four, by Arthur Conan Doyle,  in the next few days.

Stay cool in this summer heat, my friends!

My July in brief:

  • Heat! Although we haven’t reached the 113 degree temperatures of last summer, we’ve had too many 100+ days this month. No central air conditioning in our old home, so we spend much of our day and night managing the fans and window air conditioners so that we can keep the house as cool as possible. It’s been a challenge!
  • Our grandson and Scottie’s Drive-In.  Our precious grandboy (I probably should call him our “grandman” now because he’s over 6 feet tall and very much a teenager) helps us on weekends. He mows the lawns for us and, afterwards, we provide his current favorite meal —a hamburger and fries from our local burger joint, Scottie’s Drive-In.
  • Watching TV. We love getting caught up in a good series on TV, and that happened this month with the Netflix series, Our Blues, a South Korean drama that takes place on Jeju Island. We were captured by the intertwining lives of the various characters, and loved our glimpse into another part of Korean culture. The cinematography was especially beautiful.
  • Remembering my Mom. July 18th marked four years since my Mom’s passing, and I shared photos on my instagram account of the gorgeous sunset we experienced as we left her apartment the night we said goodbye to her. I miss her every day, but I have so many special memories that make me smile.
  • Red Clover.  You may remember my photos of Crimson Clover that fills the agricultural fields around here with brilliant red in early May. Well, the crops of “red clover” bloom in mid-July, and are gorgeous in their more subtle color. Up close, they look pink, not red. And when you look at a field of them, they look a pale lavender color! A crop that is so mis-named!
  • Studying Spanish. I just reached a milepost in my attempt to regain my fluency in Spanish. I’ve worked on it, using the program Duolingo, every single day for 200 days! I’m rather proud of my learning streak, but I’m even happier to be regaining so much of the language I lost due to not using it very much since my year in Argentina as an exchange student. “Use it or lose it” is so true!
  • Byron and his treatments. July was cruel to us. The most difficult thing about Byron’s battle with cancer is the metastases in the bones of his hip. In early July, he suffered a pain flare and after a trip to the ER and many tests over a two week period, it was discovered that he has a series of fractures in that hip joint. So being able to go upstairs to sleep has become too difficult. We now have a hospital bed situated in the bay window of our dining room area, and I’m happy to say that it’s a very workable arrangement for now!

 

 

 

July Thoughts

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Hello, friends. It’s past due time for an update on life and reading. Well, there’s been a lot of life going on, but not a lot of reading for me this month.

July has been an intense month for us filled with too many medical appointments. My focus, and the focus of our family, has ended up being entirely on my husband and his illness. The cancer journey truly is a roller coaster, and the last three weeks have been filled with gigantic ups and downs.

That said, we are still living each precious day to the fullest. Despite physical challenges, we still do as much as Byron’s limited energy allows. We share time with friends and family near and far (mostly on Zoom calls), and we laugh a lot, watch good shows on TV, try out new recipes or take-out food that might taste good to Byron’s chemo-damaged sense of taste, and we cherish our time with our daughter, son, and our precious grandboy.

Byron is reading more than I am right now, and what a potpourri of genres! His current read is The World as We Knew It: Dispatches from a Changing Climate, edited by Amy Brady and Tajja Isen. He recently finished the first volume of one of the graphic novels on my shelf called A Man and His Cat, by Umi Sakurai. Before that, he read The Cat Who Saved Books, by Sosuke Natsukawa. And before that, it was a book he liked so much he bought copies for our kids — Other Minds: The Octopus, The Sea, and The Deep Origins of Consciousness, by Peter Godfrey-Smith.

Early mornings finds me in the garden watering and weeding. I can’t keep up with either, it seems, but it’s nice to be out there. And I have also been working on my project of scanning old slides and photos from the last 53 years!

We are busy with life right now amid the ordered chaos of medical treatments and tests. And we are deeply grateful to our medical team, and to our extended family and friends team, and to our own little family unit team. All of whom bolster us up and help to give us the courage we need to face whatever life brings each day.

A Glimpse of our July in photos: (there are captions to the photos)

Our grandson mowing the lawns…
Phlox in the Butterfly Garden…
Summer 1969 with friends…
Porch cat…
We’re smiling, really!